Running in Circles... Come Back To Haunt Me

It's been quite a while since someone made me laugh the way The B-man did tonight... Went to this local German joint called the Das Stien Haus. Totally done up right... quaint... personality all its own... just the kind of place I love! The potatoes are particularly great. Then off to Gumbo Bottoms for a couple drinks and stories that whisked me away to Cancun, Cazumel, Louisiana and Korea... as the B-man shared his adventures I was right there with him... getting into the hottest clubs through "Dave", petting barracudas, learning to split open craw fish with lightening speed and becoming a sniper threat from innocent childs play. Good stuff... I was eating it up! (Spitting it up is more like it... yea, don't ask.) But do ask the B-man about these escapades... great stories. All around GREAT time... right up until I got in my own car to go home and had only my own mind to occupy my time. Of course, the battle I'm fighting, but had momentarily chosen to ignore, comes rushing at me with a full attack when I'm most vulnerable... when I'm alone. It wasn't totally unexpected this time... so I was more prepared to accept the feelings, emotions and longings that would start circulating through my head. Then I turn up BXR... invariably the song playing nails what I'm feeling...

Coldplay "The Scientist"

Come up to meet you, tell you Im sorry
You dont know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
Oh its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
Im going back to the start

I'm forcing myself to break a bond stronger than anything I've ever felt before... stronger than anything but that bond that God's calling us to embrace... but even then, sometimes in my foolish humanity... it feels stronger than that... but I know that's wrong. I don't want to let go. I can feel myself almost reminding myself to... remember this amazing thing I can't have... and dwell on it. I don't want to let go. I'm drawing upon God's strength to do it... but, I know part of me will always resist... I just pray it's the smaller part. Your prayers would be much appreciated.

I digress to get back to a more upbeat note again... a close friend said this song reminded him of me. What a compliment! The lines I draw most from the song are... "And everything around her is a silver pool of light. The people who surround her feel the benefit of it." That's what life should be about... living in light... and sharing it with everyone you meet. In other words... living a life that's "spiritually and passionately alive." We all have our battles... but my goal is to stay in the "silver pool of light."

KT Tunstall "Suddenly I See"

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

I have some news I'm really excited about... I'm saving it for tomorrow to start the day off with happiness.